:: PaRtS AnD PiEcEs Of EvAnGeLiCaL ChRiS ::

In this EvAnGeLiCaLiZeD WoRLd of mine, this is where i blog it out.. my experiences.. my sadness.. my sufferings.. this is another side of my life where no one can actually witness it.. its time for me to let it go.. and open it to everyone..anyone.. you'll see a bubbly side of me.. but that my dear friends is the outer covering of christine that you know.. did you ever thought of how the looks inside me? have you ever wondered that before.. now i put the question at your face right this instance... DO YOU REALLY KNOW CHRISTINE THAT WELL? hmm... No would be your answer right?? well, its okay.. i'm normal with it.. let me bring you into the world where i live.. my life was full of happiness, joy and understanding.. its like heaven to me.. where little angels flying in and out daily for their routine.. its like they're keeping me safe and sound and happy always.. but something went wrong at the beginning of form3.. life then was tough.. hard enough for me to hold on to my life.. i need help yet no one knows... i was hurt time and time again.. i fell down.. cuts and bruises were all over me.. i cried for help, but nothing came out.. not even a single voice of sorrow from me.. i shout by day, i cried by night.. no one had ever heard me.. i was trapped.. trapped in darkness.. no light.. nothing.. i began to be much more sorrowful yet unhappy in my entire life.. it seems that something had blocked me from loving the person i love.. the people i love, ended up hating me.. i was thrown down like a trash.. like a shit.. i was crushed down endlessly.. yet, all i wanted was to be someone who never lost faith.. i never stop loving someone that i love most.. never ever giving up.. i was trying to find all oppurtunity for me to stay on track and never to give up on him.. yet, seeing him happy makes my life happier.. although he's just a friend.. a close friend.. yet, i dont mind seeing him from afar.. just to take notice of him and seeing his face.. i do miss him day by day.. i cant text him or even give a call.. its harsh.. but i had to live with it.. i really sometimes felt like bursting but, i told myself not to.. i had to move on.. but, in a sense where, loving him dearly will always be a part of my heart.. he has earn a place in my heart.. i cherished him, like what lovers do.. but in a one-sided kind of love.. i know i cant be with him, cuz i'm not good enough for him.. all i needed is love and care.. i need him alot in my life.. by just being friends, i'm contented.. i hope God can give me a chance to be with him.. i hope.. but i wont get it.. i've been figuring out, what i had done to deserve this.. yet, i realise i am two-sided person where i have two different personalities that you see.. normally, you would see me as a bubbly kind of person.. that is my outer-covering.. but in me, is another person.. a person kinda gothic.. a person who is also known as EvAnGeLiCaL ChRiS.. this is the dark side of me.. where sadness rule me all.. so i wished i can express myself through here.. i loved a person so much.. and by loving him hurts me alot.. he doesnt realise how much pain i'm through.. but all i know, i'll never give him up.. his text messages are all in my phone.. not wanting to delete it as it is way precious to me.. so EvAnGeLiCaL ChRiS will never let him go.. i love you always.. and i will always do..