:: SoRrY EvErYoNe.. It'S My LiFe ::

its miserable.. the life.. the torments of life... is there such thing as good and bad.. the holy and evil.. yet another life will be taken away.. away from me.. one will not know how much their loved ones are important to them until they go away.. i made a decision.. a decision which i may regret forever.. a decision to leave this sad and hurtful place that i call - home.. time is passing quickly.. and i know within me that i soon will be leaving this world.. this world of sadness.. world of torments.. hatred and yet another poisonous stinging word, LOVE.. yes, this word LOVE had actually crushed me down to earth.. this word LOVE has made me fall time and time again.. this word LOVE has actually had a knife pierced through my heart.. wishing that i wont actually live again.. i wish, i'm taking this test.. 'The Test Of Life'.. where my life is at stake.. i will be taking this test soon.. and i know it.. i wish that before i go, everything will take place in order.. everything is done.. people sees me as if i am a healthy girl.. but deep within me, i know whats going wrong.. i feel the pain.. the torments.. the bleeding.. the tears.. whom i shed every single day for this one particular friend.. yet he doesnt even know it.. he in the other end has another mysterious girl.. whom he loves most.. i'm not saying that its unfair.. maybe i admit, i'm jealous.. but all this things will soon fade away.. as i know, he wont come to me.. as he treats me as a best fren.. a good buddy.. yet, i just sitting here, thinking about him.. but i never tried to voice out anymore.. not wanting to get a lecture or the same words which he will say to hurt me.. i can say that, i cried more than what a normal person can do.. i cried nights unwillingly to know that my heart hurts when i think about him.. what on earth can i do?? all i can do is just sit back and watch him willingly with the mystery girl that he loves, i guess... to me now, my life is coming to an end.. i can feel it.. but i have to fufill all my duty- as a daughter, a friend and a loner.. i know i promised my dear yolanda alot of things.. i really want her to be happy.. and i will help her if she needs help.. i hope she will understand why i really want to help her.. its because i see her as a sister, a close friend.. its like the feeling of 'love-at-fist-sight' but not in that boy-girl manner.. when i first met her, i realise that, wow.. she's that girl who i will understand and get along with the most... i know, to Kelvin (Lil' Kel), maybe i'm not a good buddy after all.. being with him is the best thing i ever done.. but, i donno whether he'll feel it this way too.. in the sense that, i had to be his friend.. a friend and not more than that.. cuz i remembered promising him once.. yet, i cant help and i cant stop my feelings any longer.. its bleeding out from my heart, but still i got to be stuck as his buddy... my parents..i wish them good health.. although i tried so hard making them happy for my exam marks, they will not be satisfied.. mum, dad.. i'm sorry for everything.. if i cant make up to your standard, then i'm sorry.. if i take my chance to do another thing instead of your wish for me becoming an accountant, i'm sorry... yolanda dear.. i'm so sorry that i couldnt help you much about our problem.. i hope i can solve our problem soon.. but just dont give up hope on me.. if i leave you halfway, be strong.. always remember, i'm with you... kelvin dear.. you're such great friend.. but liking you more doesnt give me any good points any longer.. i wont force you to like me.. let nature takes its course..i'm willing to wait.. but i hope, we'll be friends forever... soon next year, i'll be handing my commentating youth mass job to the most capable person.. and i will go overseas to persue my studies.. hoping that, everyone will lead a good life except me...